Work on a Humdrum

So I just spent the rest of my day bumming around. Been intending to paint but I didn’t get to.

I find myself counting the days until the next rest day, and you know it sucks when life starts becoming all about the next rest day!

It’s like you only have 2 days in a week that counts...

I try to think about what I need to do at work. You know, like the people who are so passionate and all, but my brain forbids me to. Like work is an alternate dimension that you must never revisit once you step out of.

I feel resistant to the incredible pressure it puts in me and really, what significance do these links and emails have in the world and in my life? lol..!

Sometimes I think I have an aversion to problems. If only things would just always go smoothly, but they don’t. Not at work. Not in real life either!

I always feel like running whenever I’m confronted by something so heavy.

I guess it’s because I haven’t really developed confidence in my skill for handling problems.

I like working on things in which i have a predicted end in mind. Whenever i do that I’m on a high, but I seem to have an aversion for the uknown.

It’s either that, or I don’t feel strongly enough for my job. Maybe I like it now because i have to like it. Maybe I like it now because it forces me to do things I wouldn’t have done.

Hell! I don’t even know why I like my job, or if I do like it in the first place. If I didn’t, I’m probably doing a good job at hiding it.

I think I’m so boring!

Maybe the reason why i don’t get to finish problems as fast, is my reluctance everytime they confront me. I tend to think too much. This one my friends and a few of my co-workers have started to notice.

I guess I need practice.

Thank God for having those people that loves me unconditionally. They drives me in those days i feel like going autopilot.

I feel like, I want to work on something that has a greater social significance and I will definitely not spend forever in my current job. However, I'm still appreciating this one for the training it gives me. Hopefully I discover the kind of job i really want soon :)

PSEUDO RELATIONSHIP: Parang kayo, pero hindi

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage…others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-boyfriend, pseudo-girlfriend, pseudo-relationships. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Pwedeng naay verbal agreement, pwede pud wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, posible pud nga wala. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang formal courtship na nangyari! Pero the way mo mag – act, sa inyong mga gina-sulti, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up…you still love each other and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, dili sa ninyo gusto magbalik. It can also happen before a relationship, kanang pareho gani mo nga nakikiramramdam pa lang sa isa’t-isa. Posible pud nga dili sa ninyo gusto mag-seryoso kaya atik-atik lang sa. Testing lang gud. Pwede pud nga dili pwede maging kamo kay isa sa inyo commited na. Kaya habang wala pa siya nakipag-break sa iyang gf/bf, wala sa mo’y pormal nga relasyon para pud nga dili siya matawag nga"namamangka sa dalawang ilog" kasi hindi nga naman kayo.

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Most specially if naghahanap ka lang ng “kalaro”...pero ayaw lang jud pag-expect nga naa’y adto-an ang ing-ani nga situation kay wala jud na’y kasiguraduhan. PROMISE!..So nganong daghan ang naga-settle sa ing-aning set up knowing for a fact na dili jud mo secured ug wala mo’y kaad-tuan sa ing-ani nga relationship?

Naa’y different reasons: Pwedeng for fun lang!..pwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or pwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa jud ang the real thing, didto sa sa atik-atik. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling…yung tipong  pag  open  mo sa cell phone mo mangingiti  ka  kasi  alam  mong  s’ya yung nag text.

Sa isang pseudo relationship, no commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn’t commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren’t ready to commit. But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. First, you can’t ask him/her to commit. Since it’s not really a relationship, you can’t demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? You will always be uncertain about your role in his/her life. You can’t expect him/her to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls/boys, you just have to keep it to yourself. Sino ka ba para magselos? Second, what if you fall deeply in love with him/her? You can’t be sure if he/she feels the same way. Basig naga-assume raka nga love ka niya…even if you are dying to tell him you love him/her, you can’t, because you’re not sure if he’ll/she’ll like it. Basig maulawan lang ka. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all. Third, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man/woman hasn’t? What if you remain faithful to him/her, and keep on ignoring other boys/girls? See? Maka – ingon kaya ka nga safe ka sa pseudo – relationship? Wala jud kay assurance nga dili ka masakitan…isa pa ka downside sa pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, sa pseudo – relationship di mo alam kung san’ mo ilulugar ang sarili mo…wala kang pinanghahawakan.

Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," wala’y "us." Maayo unta kung pseudo-pain pud ang imong ma-feel. Kaso, dili man gud…real pain jud s’ya. And usually, bisag humana ang pseudo- relationship, dili jud nimo pwedeng maiwasan nga mag – hope one day, nga naa pa to’ siya’y continuation. And you will be miserable; you’ll get exhausted, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy/girl is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else. Lisod kaayo, noh? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you’d end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero pwede man pud maiwasan ang sakit. Pwede ra man nga dili na lang sa nimo huna-hunaon ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences. "Gawin mo kung anong magpapasaya sayo!" but if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan jud nimo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo- relationships and wait for the real thing. Ang bottom line lang jud, “kung ano ang magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo…”

Just be ready of yourself lang jud sa mga possible consequences, dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage, usahay lang na siya matinuod…what I mean is , bihira lang kaayo na s’ya mauwi sa totohanan. Usually, hangtud dira lang jud na siya…ALMOST BUT NOT  QUITE

40 Rules for Living

1.Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2.Memorize your favourite poem.
3.Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4.When you say, "I love you," mean it.
5.When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
6.Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
7.Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
8.Don't judge people by their relatives.
9.Talk slow but think quick.
10.When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
11.Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
12.Call your mom.
13.Say "Bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
14.When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
15.Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
16.Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
17.When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
18.Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
19.Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, conversational skills will be as important as any other.
20.Spend some time alone.
21.Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
22.Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
23.Read more books and watch less TV.
24.Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
25.Trust in God but lock your car.
26.A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
27.In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
28.Read between the lines.
29.Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
30.Be gentle with the earth.
31.Pray -- there's immeasurable power in it.
32.Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
33.Mind your own business.
34.Don't trust a lover who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss them.
35.Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
36.If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
37.Learn the rules then break some.
38.Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
39.Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
40.Remember that your character is your destiny.

Courtesy of symbianize.com

Painting the Town with Red

How to choose the right red lipstick for our skin tone?

I used to have a fear of wearing red lipstick. I had this thought that red lipsticks were only for those with a fairer skin texture. No biggie, I thought, morenas like me have other pretty pinks and browns to choose from anyway. Then I questioned, well, why should mestizas have all the fun?

Selecting the precise red lipstick, or selecting the right make-up for that matter, really depends a lot on finding the best products that will suit your skin's complexion. One of the easiest ways to determine your skin's tone would be to look at inside of your wrists. If the veins on your wrists are more greenish, then you have a warm, yellow skin undertone. If your veins have a more purplish tint, then you're more on the cool blue side. Those with a fair or rosy skin, usually have bluish undertones while morenas typically have yellow undertones. Mine are more greenish so I ought to stick to red lipsticks with red and brown orangey undertones.

There’s this one product that I’ve tried and I really like, it’s the Maybelline's Moisture Extreme Lipstick in Ruby Lustre. Yes, it's still red, but not the scary kind of red, if you know what I imply. Well, it's the kind of red lipstick that won't leave you looking clownish. Another Maybelline product that a friend of mine really loves is the Moisture Extreme Lipstick in Brick Rose. I find it a bit too dark for me, but she likes it a lot and it suits her very well so you might want to check it out that too.

I also like this L'Oreal's Glam Shine Cream in Glam Red. Like Maybelline's Ruby Red, it also has brown undertones which suits for morena skin tones. Now, if you're looking for a red lipstick that has SPF, then I’ll recommend you the Elianto's Spa Lipstick in Royal Red. This lipstick has SPF 15, which is really relevant for caring your lips and preventing it from getting darker.

On the other hand, the Fashion 21's Lip Spa Nutrient-Rich Lipstick in Raspberry is one of the super cheap red lipsticks that you might want to try. For only Php175.00, you get the color and the staying power of a rich red lipstick.

I think at the end there's really no "right" or "wrong" lipstick for you. If you feel like going for cherry reds, then go for it, if you think it looks nice on you. It all boils down to personal choice and what makes you feel beautiful and comfortable as well.

Art of Letting Go

It’s over. He’s gone. Why do we have to part while the love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we have to cry when someone bids goodbye? Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we have to meet only to loose in the end?

In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you’ll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go, feel not the pain of parting. It is they who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that’s the way love goes. That’s the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love. After all, nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end, without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us knowing why. And we must forgive not because we want to but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrows come not in a single spy but in battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always remind you of him. It’s like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night; funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine there are billions of people on earth. And yet it seems you feel empty without the other. I don’t know if it’s worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkle with a considerable skills and time. Time heals all wound but it would take a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all wishes come true. Not all love stories end with “AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.”

Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to suffer if it would mean happiness for others. We have to cry to temporarily let go of pains. Every beginning has its end, like every dawn has its dusk. It’s something we can’t control, something we have to live up.

For the Broken Hearted

“I can’t say ‘screw him’ to the guy that I have come the closest to being fully in love with. I still would do anything for him and it sucks because I know he wouldn’t do the same for me. That hurts more than anything, but I just can’t stop loving him, believe me I’ve tried.”

This is for the broken hearted. I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don’t want to laugh, because you know it’s not going to help, but you don’t want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it’s falling apart too. You don’t think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That’s the confusing part, you don’t know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you’re getting happy again, but you know inside that you’re just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you’re back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can’t help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn’t happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don’t know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you’ve had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you’re to the point where you don’t care who see’s. Because you’ve spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it’s not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, “It will be okay…” But you know it won’t. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You’re still hurt, but you’ve learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don’t hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this.